Transformers

Paramount Pictures

For the ReelFan, it’s been a long summer without enough movies. Oh, there have been plenty of films in theaters, just too much summer traveling to find time to see them. Recently I was in Chicago and from my hotel window, just past the river and peeking out from behind a skyscraper, I could see a building with the AMC logo on it. I imagined myself creating a credible pretense and strolling over there, then dashing in to catch whatever was playing. I was willing to see anything. I would have gone to Final Destination 5.

Which might have been a better choice than Transformers; I saw the latest installment of the blockbuster fighting robot franchise at a strange little theater in Saratoga Springs, New York. It was part of one of those giant, sprawling retail complexes where you can drive for hours through adjacent parking lots, trying to make sense of conflicting signposts that claim to be leading you to wherever you thought you were going. Which is a little bit like Transformers: the movie is a muddled mess of confusing parts that are vaguely connected, and you keep hoping there will be some sort of cinematic signpost that leads you to a logical conclusion. There aren’t though, any signposts or logic; instead the film has lots of crashing explosions and battles between robots that look so alike you can’t tell which one to root for. Or why they’re fighting, for that matter – I think the future of humanity was on the line. I’m not sure.

Shia LaBeouf was cool, though. Such an everyman, this guy, but he has a little swagger, a way of squaring his shoulders and striding into robot battle that makes you believe he can be a badass. He’s fun to watch, and that worked for me, but I don’t recommend anyone see this movie. No reason to go.  C